#congrats on never having struggled in your life i guess

[zepskies]

Oh God, here we go...

Your mind, moonstruck and lunatic, spun complicated cobwebs. Your feeble body and fragile bones threatened to crumble and crack underneath the devastating weight of the truth.

Wow, this bit of description struck me right away. What a lovely and devastatingly poetic way of conveying this...

Because as soon as he would acknowledge it, he’d lose you. How could he live with that?

Oh Barlen, pls. 😭 I just knew he'd be feeling this way. My heart is breaking for both of them really. 💙💙 But of course they're both blaming themselves (perhaps Beau even more so than her). His admission that he wasn't ready to see them together again broke my heart for the 15th time, dear God. 🥲🥲

He knew it was over. You’d never pick him. He wasn’t the love of your life. He wasn’t your once in a lifetime. He wasn’t true love. He was your second choice. The one you were stuck with. Your rebound.

Oh dude, something tells me he couldn't be more wrong about her and how she feels... Or at least, I hope he's wrong? 🫠

As you stood there, feet calcified in front of his bed, a set of familiar whiskey-colored eyes found you.

"Calcified" just really hit me in this moment. Along with "whiskey-colored" -- you're so very good at painting a vivid picture through your word choice.

In a way, her and Randy are so sweet together. It feels calm and warm and familiar, but maybe not quite right anymore? At least for her? As opposed to when she goes to Beau in the scene right after--them two together are just sparks flying off the stove. With them, there's actual passion.

But backing up to the Randy scene -- I really like how you played it and his accepting personality. Like, I know it's been a few years and you've probably moved on already. I guess we're not married anymore? But we could just get married again? loll Poor guy. As if surviving what he went through wasn't enough, now he's going to have to deal with the fact that his wife is head over heels in love with his best friend now. ❤️‍🩹

She's really not the same. Not only because of Beau, but because she's been through too much after Randy's "death."

“Wow, congrats, man. You deserve it,” Randy said with a genuinely happy grin. He seemed like a kid who was catching up with all his friends on the first day of school after summer break. Beau gave him a tight smile that said he didn’t think he deserved it. But only you could read that one. “Uhm, thanks, bud. I see you tomorrow, okay?”

“It’s okay. I get it. Trust me. I do. He’s your husband, and I’m just… Well, I’m nothin’,” he said, his voice laden with heartbreak. “Just don’t come closer, ‘cause if you do, I don’t know if I can hold myself back, alright? ‘Cause all I wanna do right now is kiss you and love you, even it’s the last time. I can’t do that to him. You understand?”

Goddamn it, Beau!! Can you give her, like, a minute to adjust before you already decide you're "nothin'" and she's not gonna pick you? For God's sake. 😭😭 (But totally on brand for him. Great characterization. Sigh.)

“Not the ring I thought I’d give you…”

Just keep pummeling my heart, that's fine. 🙃

He replayed the clips of the hospital in his mind over and over again. How Randy held your hand. How he touched your cheek. How he kissed you. How he looked at you when he first saw you – like he had finally found the piece of his heart again that he lost years ago, the same love in his brown eyes that had been there since day one.

Okay, but he was so focused on Randy's reactions, he didn't bother to watch her reactions, her struggle, and her reluctance.

“You ain’t nothing.”

What a romcom movie moment, I love it!!!

I can't go back to the way things were. I know you think me and Randy are some great love story, but so are you and I.

I'm with Beau on this one--please let her really, truly mean this and not change her mind and leave him later, because I don't think my heart could take it. 😭😭

“I want you,” you assured him, your mouth trailing a path of featherlight kisses along his jaw and down to his throat, his groan vibrating against your soft lips.

“I want you,” you assured him, your mouth trailing a path of featherlight kisses along his jaw and down to his throat, his groan vibrating against your soft lips.

How I love these little moments of softness and tenderness in between the amazingly hot ones. ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 And I feel like Beau probably really needs that right now--that reassurance.

Your heart was the North Star, and your heart had led you to him.

Ahh I love a callback to the title! 🥹✨

You placed a gentle kiss on his lips and nodded. “I’m not going anywhere, corazón.”

Ugh, God, my Latina heart sang on that last bit! 😭 But girl, you outdid yourself on this chapter. I can honestly say that was some of the most stellar romantic smut I've ever read. 👌🏽😮‍💨❤️‍🔥

Aaaaand now I'm both excited and scared to see how Randy handles this news. 😬 Something tells me he's not going to take this news as well as the other stuff...

Polaris – Chapter 9

Series Summary: When Beau Arlen moved to Montana, he left behind a past he wasn’t proud of. But when a series of murders requires the FBI’s help, Sheriff Arlen‘s ghosts come back to haunt him one by one. With a wrong turn waiting at every crossroads, it’s hard to make the right choices and find his way back home – back to you.

Pairing: Beau Arlen x FBI Agent!Reader

Warnings: 18+, ramp up the angst, guilt trips all around, hospitals, bits of fluff in all the chaos, smut (with a heavy dose of more angst)

Word Count: 5.4k

A/N: Well, there was no way this wasn't going to be angsty af. Enjoy the ride, loves! 😘

Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Tag List

Chapter 9: Marooned

The cool, breezy autumn air whipped you across your face, a sharp, frigid sting in your lungs that burned right through to your heart. Each breath you desperately clutched was a fight for life.

Your mind, moonstruck and lunatic, spun complicated cobwebs. Your feeble body and fragile bones threatened to crumble and crack underneath the devastating weight of the truth. You crouched down on the parking lot asphalt, head heavy in your shaking hands.

“Hey, hey, just breathe…” Beau’s deep voice and warm hand on your back were a short-lived comfort before the first sob broke through you.

He knelt down in front of you, large hands cupping your head when your own grew too tired to hold it. He rested his forehead against yours, green eyes leveling with you. His thumbs wiped the tears from your cheeks.

“Maybe it’s not him,” Beau bargained, his voice a soft whisper. His disavowing mind refused to accept what his breaking heart knew to be true.

However, there was no doubt in yours. “No, I’m sure it’s him.”

“It still might not be true… It could be one of those CGI deep-fakes. You know, they’ve gotten crazy good… She just wants to mess with us,” Beau tried to reason, every bone in his body fighting to accept the truth. Because as soon as he would acknowledge it, he’d lose you. How could he live with that?

Your eyes lifted from the ground, your gaze boring into his. “You really believe that?” Your voice was harsh enough to break through the solid brick barrier he had erected over his heart, your words a wrecking ball. A jittery and hesitant lick of his lips was his abdication. He lowered his head in resignation. “How’s that even possible? You saw him die, right?

Beau’s mouth opened without an answer, his eyes flickered alive with memories. Panic rose with realization and poisoned the pumping blood that coursed through his heart. “I-I saw him get dragged away… I heard the shot.”

He was sure. He was so, so, so sure. And then, it all fell apart. What had he done?

You straightened up, slipping out of his grasp, and clasped your mouth, turning your back to him as your body rattled with shock. “Oh my God… Oh God…”

Beau rose to his feet behind you and swallowed harshly as the realization hit him like a freight train. He wanted to reach out and touch you, needing you now more than ever, but he didn’t know if he still could. His mind raced a mile a minute with questions he couldn’t find an answer to.

How was Randy still alive? Had the cartel kept him all this time? How did Diane find out? And how the hell did she get a hold of him?

“Y/N, I-… I don’t know what to say.” His voice trembled. He could feel you drift further and further away from him till you were just a dot out on the vast ocean. He didn’t want to lose you but didn’t know how to stop it, either. He thought all he needed was for you to just look at him, and it would all be right again. But when you did, it shattered his heart into a million pieces.

“All this time he was alive and God knows where. I-I could’ve looked for him. I could’ve helped him…”

“You didn’t know,” Beau said softly, pushing your blame onto himself. He could’ve known. He should’ve known. He felt helpless, lost, adrift. “Y/N, what d’you want me to do?”

You needed a moment to clear your head enough to think straight. If it wasn’t Randy but any other victim, what would you do next?

“We need to find that bunker. Get him outta there,” you concluded. “You think he’s still alive? You think she’d kill him?”

Recalling the snippet of the video, you remembered the timeline only read an hour instead of the usual forty-eight. It wasn’t about making you suffer through his death because you’d already done that. Diane just wanted you to see.

Beau knew there were only two possible options. Either Diane caught Randy only to show he was still alive and then kill him, or she brought him back into your life to wreak havoc. But the hows and whys didn’t really matter. Both options would cause a rift between you two wider than the Grand Canyon. If Randy was back, dead or alive, Beau’s relationship with you wouldn’t survive it.

He knew it was over. You’d never pick him. He wasn’t the love of your life. He wasn’t your once in a lifetime. He wasn’t true love.

He was your second choice. The one you were stuck with. Your rebound.

“I don’t know,” Beau replied and forced some oxygen into his lungs. He didn’t know for how long he had held his breath. For a minute there, he had forgotten how to breathe at all – and he didn’t even care.

The ringing of your phone broke both of you out of your haze and fatal fantasies. You fished it out of your pocket and stared at the screen with a furrowed brow.

“Who is it?”

“Unknown caller,” you replied before you answered the phone, pinning it between your shoulder and ear. “Hello? Yes, this her…”

Beau watched as your eyes widened, how your brow rose, how your mouth fell open, how your heart stopped. As you hung up, he could see you swallow before you found his eyes. He waited with bated breath for news he already knew.

“That was the hospital here. They said someone brought in my husband.”

The stone silent ten-minute drive to the hospital felt like an eternity. Beau drove, his grip stiff and knuckle-white around the steering wheel. The heat of the old Jeep had barely kicked in by the time you arrived, your hot breaths coming out in vaporizing clouds as you bit your nails bloody and down to their beds on the passenger’s seat. Neither of you spoke a word, too terrified it would cut the last string between you that still tied you to each other.

As the bright sign of the hospital came into view, your heart thudded in your ears, so loudly you could barely hear the world around you anymore. Everything was subdued and distorted as if someone was holding your head underwater. All you wanted was air, but your lungs flooded with water.

Beau killed the engine in the parking lot. Both of you sat there in silence and petrified in time, two fossils buried deep in the earth and uncovered by archeologists with fine brushes millions of years later.

His gaze drifted up to the star-filled sky, green eyes locked on the North Star. He wished he could rewind the tape to that night, all the way back to the start where the two of you were still alive. His eyes then swerved to your hand that lay there untouched on the edge of your seat, his own palm twitching to hold it in his.

“You want me to come in with you?” Beau asked carefully.

It was the first time since you’d left the Sheriff’s Department that you looked at him again. Your eyes were pleading. “Of course I do. Please don’t go. Don’t let me do this alone.”

Then, you saw it – the flicker of relief that flashed through him. You recognized the insecurity and apprehension in his eyes. Your heart dropped. You had been so consumed by the news, you hadn’t noticed how he had spiraled. You clasped his hand tightly in yours. He squeezed it desperately back. He was drowning, and your touch was the lifeline he had been waiting for.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to see him. I don’t know if I’m ready to see you with him,” Beau confessed. He had endangered his best friend, deserted him, and left him to die. And that wasn’t even the worst he’d done. The worst was you.

“Me neither,” you admitted and interlaced your fingers with his. “We’ll take it step by step, okay?”

He nodded.

As the nurse sent you down the hallway to your believed-to-be-dead but actually only-long-lost husband, you didn’t know what to expect as your hand lingered on the door handle.

Beau could not only feel the tension in your body but physically see it. The stiffness in your neck and shoulders, the tremble in your hands, and the twitch in your eyes were a dead giveaway.

As you felt Beau behind you with a hesitant palm resting on your lower back, you wondered if you should tell Randy. You supposed you had to at some point. And suddenly, you felt overwhelmed.

You had been so focused on what awaited you in that room, you hadn’t thought about what your husband expected. Or was it ex? Did he know you had moved on? Were you still allowed to? Would he be happy for you? Would he let you go? Would he hate you for it? He probably would, considering who you ended up with. Or maybe you had it all wrong, and he would be relieved it was someone he loved, too. Wouldn’t you be if the roles were reversed?

His death had severed your ties, but now that he was back, were your vows, too? Did he even know everyone thought he was dead? Had you cheated? Was that what Diane had been trying to tell you? That you had sinned? That you were a liar? That you were awful? That you were a whore?

“Should I-, uhm…”

“No,” Beau answered your dangling question as if he could read your mind. He dropped his hand from your back and ceased all contact, even going as far as taking a step back. If you hadn’t known any better, you would’ve thought you were radioactive. That should’ve been answer enough. “Not yet, at least.”

“Okay.” The rejection hurt, but you understood. This was hard for him, too. Maybe even harder. You had to weather the storm alone, ship-wrecked and marooned on a desolate island.

“You wanna go in alone first?”

“No.” You shook your head and pushed down the handle, suddenly feeling more courageous and determined than before.

You barged in. Not gentle. Not slow. The urge to see him, face to face within the same four walls – after all these years, after all the tears – washed over you like heavy rainfall. You didn’t want to weather the storm – you wanted to be it. It felt safer than to seek shelter under driftwood.

Then, your heartbeats halted. The world around you paused. No murmurs in the hallway, no beeping machines or bustling footsteps. It felt like you were standing in the eye of the hurricane, everything else flying fast around you, but the center was calm.

As you stood there, feet calcified in front of his bed, a set of familiar whiskey-colored eyes found you. The slightly furrowed brow above them softened, his lips parted in awe. He still looked the same, only slightly aged by the years and what he’d been through.

“Randy?” Your voice was a quiet tremble but still filled the entire room.

A smile flickered alive on his face. “Hey,” he said, his own voice raspy and dry as if he hadn’t had water in several days. Deserted like he had been. His hazel eyes lit up, full of love and adoration. It was the same look he had always worn when he gazed at you. For a second, it felt like nothing had changed. It saturated your frozen heart with warmth and your gray and bleak vision with technicolor.

“I-I don’t know what to say,” you stammered with a thick swallow.

Randy snorted a bit. “Now, you know how I always felt,” he quipped, blinking the tears in his eyes away. He’d always been a ray of sunshine. He was light and sweet and good down to his bones. A part of you had expected that light to fade, though, considering what he must’ve experienced the last few years. But it hadn’t. He was still shining as bright as ever, his spirit untouched by the darkness that had tried to swallow him. “Are you just gonna stand there like a moron?”

A small laugh escaped you as tears began to sting your eyes when he spoke those same words you once had said to him. You wanted to cry when you heard them. What sliver of doubt remained in your mind that it wasn’t truly him vanished upon his words. Your feet wanted to move forward, but your heart tugged you back.

You glanced back over your shoulder and found Beau, standing with lovelorn patience by the door as he watched the exchange between you two. The muscle in your chest then stung, like someone had dropped it into a pit full of cacti. You felt torn in two, pulled into opposite directions.

Randy followed your gaze and finally noticed his second visitor, his brow shooting up in surprise. For a second, Beau felt nervous as he awaited a reaction. He expected resentment, hatred, blame, and anger. What he got, however, was a rising smile.

“Hey, man.” Randy seemed happy to see him, not an ounce of animosity detectable. “You two realize you’re staring, right?”

“‘S good to see you, Randy,” Beau managed to say and forced a quivering smile to his lips. And it wasn’t a lie. A big part of him was elated to have his best friend, his old partner, his brother back. But he couldn’t ignore the gnashing, lethal wound in the shape of you that Randy’s return caused.

Carefully, you stepped closer and let out a nervous breath as you sat down at the edge of his bed. He reached out and tenderly caressed your cheeks, brushing a few strands of hair behind your ear. A smile curved his lips as soon as he touched you again. It felt like he was holding a miracle while you looked at him like he was a ghost.

“You look good, sweetheart,” he said. His hand then slid down your arm to hold yours, fingers brushing over the one. His gaze dropped when he couldn’t feel what he was looking for, the tan line of the missing item around your ring finger still visible. Pensively, he licked his lips. “They told me everyone thought I was dead.”

“Yeah, uhm, that’s kinda my fault. I’m sorry, buddy,” Beau said and swallowed harshly. The sight in front of him almost took him out. Even though it was a familiar picture, one he had seen a million times before, seeing it now was a different story. After everything he knew, you in someone else’s arms that weren’t his felt like a bullet piercing through his chest. His heart was bleeding. “I thought you got shot.”

“It’s okay. Don’t blame yourself, man. It was crazy in there. It could’ve happened to anybody. I did get shot. Only the slug went straight through the shoulder,” Randy explained. “Cartel then took me to Mexico. Juárez.”

Your wide eyes wandered to Beau, the two of you sharing a horrified look. Randy had been right underneath your noses this entire time. You could’ve saved him.

“You were in Juárez? We were there, too,” you muttered in shocked realization.

“Oh, I know,” Randy said, surprising you both. Your heart beat faster, accelerating to lightning speed and close to jumping out of your chest. Did he already know about you and his best friend? But he answered your question before you could ask it. “Cartel talked about a task force moving in on them. I overheard them once. Said my old partner and wife were looking for me. When y’all got too close, though, they moved me further south. There’s nothin’ you coulda done.”

“What did they do to you? How are you still alive?” you asked and didn’t want to sound ungrateful for it, but you were completely baffled. You had too many questions racing through your mind.

Randy chuckled a little at your line of questioning. “You’re still the same.” He smiled and tore your heart apart, because you knew you weren’t. Not really. “I think they thought they could keep me for leverage. Trade me at some point? They held me in a basement at first till they moved me south. Kept me at farm of some cartel member. It wasn’t highly guarded, but even when I had opportunity to flee, I didn’t know where I was or where to go. I thought they’d either kill me or give me back at some point, but then months… years passed. I gave up hope they’d ever let me go. And then, one night they threw a bag over my head and I woke up in some weird bunker… in Montana. Apparently. Anyone wanna explain what I’m doing here? How did you guys get here so fast? They only brought me here a few hours ago. Had to convince them a little to find and call you since they thought I was dead.”

“I was already here for a case. There’s a crazy serial killer lady who took you. That’s who locked you into that bunker,” you explained and watched his brow crease.

“Huh.”

“I work Major Crimes now. It’s a long story,” you added quickly. You didn’t even know where to start. How could you recap three years?

“Really?” His smile was back. This time, it was a proud one. “That’s good. You always wanted that.”

“Yeah.” You blushed a little and gave him a small smile in return.

He squeezed your hand, his gaze flickering to your missing ring on your finger once more. “So, uhm… since everyone thought I was dead, I guess we’re not married anymore, huh?”

Your heart exploded like he had just deposited a grenade inside of it. You averted your gaze to your joined hands. “Uh, Randy…”

“No, hey, it’s okay, sweetheart,” he quickly soothed and chuckled to lift your worries, and you weren’t sure if it was a real smile or just one for your sake. “I’m just trying to catch up, you know? Get up to speed. ‘Sides, if we’re not married anymore, we could have a second wedding. Might be fun, right?”

Tears gathered in your eyes as you tried to smile through the pain. “Uh, yeah.” You nodded and hoped he couldn’t see your reluctance.

Randy then stretched his neck and pulled you closer, his lips meeting yours in a slow and chaste kiss that felt like your first. Tears of happiness mixed with sadness as they rolled down your cheeks. When Beau softly cleared his throat, you broke away from Randy, your cracked heart shattering into sharp daggers that sliced through your skin. What were you supposed to do, though? Reject the man you married because it would break the heart of the one you currently loved?

“I-, uh, I should go. Let you two catch up,” Beau said uncomfortably. The crestfallen look on his face destroyed you. “I’ll keep the press away from this for as long as I can. Lord knows they love a good back-from-the-dead story.”

“You can do that?” Randy arched a curious brow.

Beau pulled his jacket back a little and tapped the badge on his belt. “Kinda the sheriff here.”

“Wow, congrats, man. You deserve it,” Randy said with a genuinely happy grin. He seemed like a kid who was catching up with all his friends on the first day of school after summer break.

Beau gave him a tight smile that said he didn’t think he deserved it. But only you could read that one. “Uhm, thanks, bud. I see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Beau, wait–”

But he had rushed out of that room so fast, he couldn’t even hear you as the door fell shut behind him. You offered Randy the same tight-lipped smile and stroked his cheek. Your emotions were a mangled mess. A part of you was hauled back to the past, old feelings that you had buried deep coming back alive, while new ones reminded you that it wasn’t the same anymore.

“Give me a sec, okay? I’ll go talk to your doctor. See when we can get you outta here,” you said and waited for Randy’s nod of confirmation before you darted out of the room.

Your heart thrummed in your ribcage as you raced down the hospital’s corridors all the way to the parking lot where you finally caught up with Beau. He was on a fast-paced escape to his car before he stopped when you called his name.

“Beau, wait!”

As he spun around, he dragged a palm over his face in an attempt to wipe away the tears. But the evidence was still visible, his eyes red and distraught. “You should go back, Y/N. He needs you.”

The heart in your throat caused you to choke. “So do you. I’m so sorry,” you said, sniffling as tears flowed down your cheeks. But as you stepped forward to hold him, he took a step back.

“It’s okay. I get it. Trust me. I do. He’s your husband, and I’m just… Well, I’m nothin’,” he said, his voice laden with heartbreak. “Just don’t come closer, ‘cause if you do, I don’t know if I can hold myself back, alright? ‘Cause all I wanna do right now is kiss you and love you, even it’s the last time. I can’t do that to him. You understand?”

Everything in you wanted to break through the fence he had set up, full-throttle with a lead foot on the gas, but you thought it was best to respect his wishes for now. You didn’t even know where your head was and wanted to avoid hurting him more.

“Here, uhm, you should have this back.” He fished out your wedding ring from his back pocket and dropped it into your palm, the quick brush of his skin tearing you apart even more. The golden band suddenly felt heavier than it ever had. You didn’t even know when he had grabbed it from his desk drawer, but the foresight scared you. He let out a humorless chuckle as the sadness brimmed in his green eyes. “Not the ring I thought I’d give you…”

Your lips parted, your brow lifting in realization. Whatever dusted remnants were left of your heart plummeted. “Beau…”

“Don’t. ‘S okay,” he wrung out with a doleful smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright? Call if you need somethin’.”

With a passive nod, he jumped into his Jeep. You clutched the ring in your hand so tightly it almost burned through your skin as you watched him drive off.

Beau uncapped his third beer of the night (plus two tumblers of whiskey and a shot of his old friend Don Julio) as he sat on the bed in his trailer. A pile of your clothes still lay on the floor to his right, your favorite coffee mug stood in the kitchen sink, and your shampoo was stored in the shower. It felt like you hadn’t left, even though you had.

He replayed the clips of the hospital in his mind over and over again. How Randy held your hand. How he touched your cheek. How he kissed you. How he looked at you when he first saw you – like he had finally found the piece of his heart again that he lost years ago, the same love in his brown eyes that had been there since day one. And Beau understood, because he had felt the same way once, too, when you walked into his office – back into his life.

He told himself it was the torture he deserved for all of his sins. And he swallowed it all down – the hurt, the heartbreak, the jealousy, the possessiveness. He had no right to feel those things. Not anymore. You weren’t his. You never were.

How long did he have with you this time around? Five weeks?

Suddenly, he regretted leaving Houston, regretted leaving you. He wasted a whole year that he could’ve spent loving you. He always thought, in the end, he'd have more time. Eternity, even. How fucking foolish was that?

The headlights and sounds of a car in front of his home drew his attention to the window, shadows and lights dancing along the walls of his trailer. He couldn’t see his visitor, but considering it was in the middle of the night, he assumed it was either Jenny or Cassie checking up on him. He had texted them to let them know what was going on. But as he opened the door, the sight left him speechless.

“Y/N…” Your name fell from his lips like you were an angel he had prayed for. For a moment, he wasn’t sure if his eyes were seeing things right, or if you were a booze- and depression-induced hallucination. You wouldn’t be the first ghost that came back to haunt him, after all.

“You ain’t nothing.”

With those words still floating in the night air, you cupped his neck and crashed your lips against his, kissing him fervently with everything you had as tears streamed down your cheeks. He returned the kiss just as passionately, although you could feel a part of him fighting against it. But his large hands grabbed your waist and pulled you flush against him, the kiss lasting till both of you were bluer than the sky. You didn’t let go of him, though, hands holding onto his shirt, too scared he would slip through the cracks of your fingers if you did.

“Y/N, I can’t…”

“I love you,” you interjected his hesitance with firmness and gripped him tighter, your gaze drilling into him like you hoped your words would. “You think I’d just forget? You think my feelings for you just vanish into thin air? It doesn’t work that way. I can’t just snap my fingers and stop loving you. I can't go back to the way things were. I know you think me and Randy are some great love story, but so are you and I. Look, when he died, I grieved that loss and it felt like I was dying, too. I never thought life would be... exciting... and fun... and happy... and so full of love again. And then… I-I fell in love with you, and my life somehow started again. And I know this whole situation is fucked up and confusing and impossible. And I don’t know what to do… I don't know what the right thing is here. But I do know you feel right, and I can’t just pretend you and me and everything good that came with it never existed. I don’t want to. Please, just… I need you, Beau. You said you wouldn't leave again. You're not making things better by walking away...”

With a stretch of your toes, your nose grazed his before you gently claimed his plump, soft lips once more. Your tear-stained cheeks met the roughness of his beard. The kiss started ginger and careful, giving him time to withdraw if he wanted to. But he didn’t. His tongue slipped inside your mouth and stoked the flames of the fire that burned for him deep within your soul. Inhibitions were set ablaze as the kiss turned searing. He hoisted you into his arms, your legs wrapping around his middle as he carried you inside.

The trailer’s peaceful silence was disturbed by panting breaths, a pathway of clothes leading from the entrance to the bed. You peeled off his shirt, and he slid off yours over your head. You unclasped your bra and tore it off, pressing your tits against his bare chest as your lips tried to remain connected to each other through it all. By the time he sat down on the edge of the mattress with you on top, only two naked bodies seeking friction remained.

You wanted to feel him everywhere, wanted him to fill you and make you whole again until you stopped feeling like you were breaking apart at the seams. Hands roamed and explored as tongues mingled and savored tastes. As you straddled his muscular thighs, his arms wound around your middle and kept you firmly pressed against him, his hold on you strong as his fingers dented your flesh. You hoped it was enough to leave bruises behind. You never wanted to forget him, wishing his marks would be permanent ink on your skin.

“I need you,” you murmured against his thoroughly kiss-swollen lips, his cock rubbing against your soaking core as you gently rocked your hips.

“I want you,” you assured him, your mouth trailing a path of featherlight kisses along his jaw and down to his throat, his groan vibrating against your soft lips. One hand steadied itself on his broad shoulder as your other one fisted his hard, throbbing length and positioned it at your entrance, his cockhead gliding through your slick and teasing you till you shuddered with wanton need to feel him inside of you.

“I love you,” you whispered and gasped as you sank down, sheathing his thick cock in your warmth as your velvety walls welcomed him. With a needy and yet tender kiss, you soothed his grunt when he was fully inside you and prodded at your cervix. “Wanna make you feel good, okay?”

He nodded and squeezed his eyes shut. “Fuck, Y/N, don’t do this to me if you’re gonna leave,” he pleaded, his gravelly voice laced with desperation and pain. His hand softly caressed your face as he rested his forehead against yours. His love for you radiated in his green eyes like kryptonite.

You cupped his bearded cheeks and forced him to look at you, lifting his chin to find your eyes. “I’m not leaving you, okay?”

“But–”

You kissed him before he could bring forth all the reasons why you should, but you didn’t care. Your heart was the North Star, and your heart had led you to him. When you left the hospital, there was nowhere else you wanted to go, no one you wanted to see more. Your heart had only ached for him.

You were finally home, and now that you were back in the arms where you belonged, you kissed him so hard till his mind quieted down to a soft lullaby. You kissed him so hungrily till his cock twitched inside of you because you were the only one he wanted, too. You kissed him so passionately he felt your love for him seep into his own heart.

As you began to roll your hips, he met you thrust by thrust as he pounded up into you. His massive hands and sinful mouth roamed every inch of your body. Palms groped your tits and fingers tickled your spine. Lips kissed your throat and tongue massaged your nipples. Teeth grazed your flesh and beard burned your skin.

Your nails dug into the thick muscles on his shoulders and scraped his scalp as his cock split you open with each pump. His girth tore you apart, each time you eased back down a new pleasurable burn coursing through you as your walls stretched to accommodate all of him.

Your pace rose with the tides of your hips, your thighs flexing as your cunt stroked his cock and came closer to the finish line. Beau buried his head in the crook of your neck, writhing and groaning underneath you. His fingers bit into your flesh, surely leaving bruises behind this time. Your tits rubbed against his chest, and you could feel his muscles tensing and straining underneath your fingertips with each bounce. He was barely holding on.

“Come for me, baby,” you beckoned him, feeling your own orgasm approach. The fuse was sparked and burned a path right to your explosive core. “I love you…”

“Fuck!” Beau cried out and spilled into you, his body trembling in your grasp. Those words were all it took to tip him over the edge.

You came with a thundering moan. His release triggered your own, your pussy pulsing violently around him and milking his cock for all he’d got. His cum mixed with your arousal and gushed out of you, trickling down your thighs and coating even his balls. Your thighs shook with exhaustion as you let yourself fall down on him, his arms catching you and holding you close.

Still panting, his mouth found yours in the dark. His thumbs stroked your flushed cheeks, the rest of his fingers dangling in your hair, the grip soft turned bruising as he kept you lip-tied to him, the kiss tender turned rough.

His nose brushed yours as he looked deeply at you. You could see the despair drowning in his pine green eyes, his emotions overtaking him.

“Pick me. Don’t go,” he begged in a harsh whisper, your flushed face in his warm palms.

You placed a gentle kiss on his lips and nodded. “I’m not going anywhere, corazón.”

Chapter 10: It Matters – DECEMBER 06

Phew, writing that hospital scene nearly killed me 😮‍💨 Next up, we have even more drama as the awkward throuple reaches a boiling point...

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[kabutone]

hate people that have no trauma but decide to be judgmental of people that do. like jesus christ how about you go through something that pushes you to attempting suicide and then you can give your opinion on how people react to trauma

[idanceuntilidie]

Requests are allowed right? If so I like to request at least 1 wholesome I guess… please

Yandere game show host x winning contestant reader

(Naming the host jack)

I have tried and failed to write this for few days, THE STRUGGLE

I have never watched a game show, bear with me, I made the yandere male by accident do forgive me I will watch brother bear as a reward for writing this, I hope you will like it Yandere male game show host x gn winning contestant reader

There are no warnings needed this is pretty chill.

Requests are open

You can’t believe you are doing this.

Game shows were not really your thing actually, but your life was missing something. A little bit of excitement and maybe love. It sounds embarrassing, and maybe it is but you don’t really care.

The theme was a slasher movie, but that didn’t tell you much really.

You even met the host, Jack, and you two talked for hours. Jack being Jck didn’t give you a lot of spoilers because “It would ruin the surprise”. Man, all you wanted was to mentally get ready for what’s about to come really. When you voiced out your worries, Jack hugged you and told you that everything will be fine and he will make sure nothing happens to you. It made you feel better, you smiled and hugged him back. Man you miss him. You look in the mirror, they took the theme seriously, you look like you just crawled out of the 80s. You liked the golf sweater especially, no one will notice if you happen to ‘borrow’ it. The turquoise, green and purple mixed really nicely and the material wasn’t itchy. To go with that you had bell pants.  When you made sure everything was in place you headed to the door that would lead you to where the game would be taking place. It was still quite empty, it wasn’t surprising since there were still a few minutes of free time left, so like a good person you were. You decided to check the place out.

It was a singular room, black and small. It surprised you honestly. How would you all be able to even do anything here? Then you noticed the door, damn you curiosity, you are sure as hell going in. The door led you through a long corridor and when you finally got to the end of it, no surprise, you saw another door. It somehow felt like this whole corridor was sentient and made you want to consider your choices but curiosity once again won and you opened the door and ended up outside. It was nighttime, and the only source of light was the full moon. Talk about the atmosphere, you continued onward, at this point you are starting to think that you might have wandered off the set. Checking the watch to make sure you still had time to go back you looked around, you couldn’t see the building, nor the door. You were surrounded by the forest and night. It was eerie and almost calming. For a moment you felt like the world stood still, well that was before a rustle came from behind you. Oh hell nah, you aren’t checking it out, you think before walking in the direction from which the sound came from. That’s called being a hypocrite. When you finally go close enough you are pretty sure you saw a person looming in the shadows of the trees. Man is that a knife? Oh holy shit it’s a machete. That had you worried for a second. Wait, a machete? Your smirk fell as the person raised it in the air. Ah man is that the part you die in? You turn around and start running in the direction you were going previously. The person behind you ran after you. At least he is not fucking around. You try your best to lose him and after a while you did. You also almost ran into a lamp, but that’s besides the point. You even found a small cabin and when you got into it you saw 5 other people sitting in a circle looking at you like you were crazy. You were sweaty, trying to catch your breath, pointing in the direction of the woods. “We know, congrats on getting away” someone said, you looked in the direction of the voice to see a young man, with that black outfit he just blended into the darkness. One of the people in the circle actually made an effort and got up to hug you, you didn’t have energy to hug her back. “Yeah, congrats on winning the first round or well two, haha.” she smiled apologetically. “I’m guessing you didn’t expect the chase, give me a sec I will grab a sleeping bag for you. You thanked her, you sat on the ground since your legs refused to stand any longer, someone even joined you and a familiar scent of perfume hit your noise. “Jack..?” “Sup, be quieter please” “You shouldn’t be here” You whisper yelled at him. He only chuckled at that.

“I found a cool spot you wanna see?” he asked, but then dragged you away anyway. You didn’t even have a chance to respond to him.

Soon you found yourself outside, Jack dragging you away from the cabin until you found a clearing. “Here you can lay on the grass” He let go of your hand and laid on the patch of short grass and patted the spot next to him. You did the same. “What the fuck dude”  you groaned.

“I know right? He is terrifying” “You shouldn’t even be here you are the motherfucking hooost, what have you gotten me into??” “A game show- Ow” You kicked him.

“Why the fuck are you in here and why did you drag me HERE” “Because this is the dead spot, plus I wanted to talk to you”

“Sure you did”  You stare at the sky, eyes slowly focusing on the dark. You are finally, once again, met with the beauty that comes during night. You are even able to see stars.

“Sorry for the scare y/n, but hey you will be seeing more of me” he hummed

“How so?”

“Well, you told me how scared you were so I will come by now and then to make sure you are okay and well, oh and congrats on winning the rounds by the way, I knew you could do it”

“Thanks, I almost pissed myself”

He cackled and you joined in,

“Dead spot?”

“Yeah, the hunter won’t come here and there is no cameras, you can chill here if everything gets overwhelming”

“Thanks Jack, after this is over I am beating you up”

“I hope so”

[planetpiastri]

#1 with rooster bay bee <3

tell me why i've never in my life been more scared to write a blurb LMAO i hope i did him justice<33

1. losing something and the other picks it up and calls after them

word count - 1.5k

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen the Hard Deck this packed. As you and your best friend tried to squirm your way through the crowd, you felt an unusual wave of claustrophobia press in on you from the proximity of everyone around.

“Is Penny having an event or something?” you called over your shoulder, struggling to be heard over the crowd.

“Not that I remember,” your friend called back. “Must be a new wave of aviators—I guess there’s a mission coming up or something.”

You nodded in reply, trying to squeeze between two burly sailors, but they didn’t even notice you. As you stumbled back, your friend steadied you and said, “Listen, this place is a zoo. I’m gonna go try and find us a table—or even just a chair to share. You get us drinks. Sound good?”

You nodded, more frustrated than anything, and tried again to squeeze past the sailors. This time they did see you, and quickly shifted out of the way with some gallant, mumbled apologies. After what felt like ages, you finally arrived at the shiny, lacquered surface of the bar, slamming your palms down and claiming a space there. One of the guys next to you jumped at the sudden sound, doing a double-take, but you didn’t spare him a glance.

“Penny!” you yelped, flagging her down as she ran past. “What the hell is going on?”

You could tell it was busy because Penny had her hair pulled back with an untidy claw clip. Loose strands fell all around her face, and she was flushed, but smiling. Recognizing you, she quickly grabbed two bottles of you and your friend’s favorite beers and started to uncap them, saying, “TOPGUN called back a bunch of graduates, and they just succeeded in their mission with zero casualties. Seems like everybody and their Uncle Sam wants to buy them a congratulatory beer.”

You bit back a snarky retort, always mindful of the sign over Penny’s shoulder—specifically, the warning against disrespecting the navy. Instead, you said, “Well, cheers to that. I’ll have to give one of them a pat on the back.”

“I’ll take that pat,” said a voice next to you, and when Penny threw her head back and laughed, you knew you’d somehow been set up.

Bracing yourself, you turned to face the aviator next to you, and when you saw his face, all you said was, “Oh.”

He was tall and strong, and his brown hair was carefully trimmed and styled—all typical signs of an active-duty aviator. Even the mustache on his upper lip was pretty standard fare with navy men, though you had to admit you hadn’t seen it on anyone younger than your father in…ever, actually. But the thing that really made this man stand out was his clothes. He was wearing a basic white tank top tucked into a pair of blue jeans, with an extremely loud and obnoxious floral Hawaiian shirt worn on top. In all your time hanging around Fightertown and the Hard Deck, you’d never seen a detachment where ‘island tourist chic’ was part of the uniform.

If you’d been able to pull it together quicker, you’d have said something smart and impressive and witty, like, “Nice kit, lieutenant.” But he was looking at you with gentle brown eyes and a look on his face that left you dizzy, like the worst kind of cliche. And the last thing you’d said was, “Oh.”

Which was apt.

After another long moment where you were incapable of doing much else than stare dumbly at the pilot next to you, he broke into a smile—of course that just made him more gorgeous—and chuckled. “So I guess that’s a ‘no’ on the back-pat?”

“Congrats,” you said dumbly, and you watched as your hand, seemingly operating separate from the rest of you, reached out and clapped him soundly on the shoulder. He laughed again, and your face burned. You half hoped the floor of the Hard Deck would open up and swallow you right there.

You glanced back towards Penny, hoping for a lifeline, but of course she’d moved on to serve someone else.

“I haven’t seen you here before,” said the pilot, leaning closer to make himself heard over the crowd in the bar. You tried to play it cool and act like his proximity wasn’t sending excited chills up and down your spine.

“Then you must not come by very often,” you shot back, grinning. “I’m in here all the time.”

He wrinkled his nose like he was embarrassed, and it was your turn to chuckle, taking a drink from one of the beers Penny had given you. The pilot reached into his pocket and deftly pulled out a credit card, holding it between two fingers. He said, “I feel like that’s a fumble on my part. Can I buy your drinks?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Penny starting to walk back towards the two of you. Moving quickly, you set down the beer, grabbed your wallet, and scrambled for your own card, saying, “I’m perfectly capable. Thanks, though.”

You immediately regretted it when you saw his face fall incrementally. Great. He totally thought you’d just rejected him. And you had just rejected him. Ugh, this was not going well.

Penny took your card and then was gone again. Wanting to hurry up and escape this awkward interaction with this very attractive aviator, you shoved your wallet back into your pocket and picked up both beers with one hand, reaching out to take your card back when Penny returned. 

“My friend is over there,” you said, gesturing vaguely in a direction. “I should probably get going. Nice to meet you, though. And congrats on the mission.”

“Yeah,” he said with a nod, looking distracted. “Thanks.”

As you started to worm your way back through the crowd, you fought the urge to smack yourself on the forehead. How could he possibly have talked about fumbling? You were the one who had just fumbled! You had half a mind to turn back around, push back through the crowd, and forcefully introduce yourself, but something told you that’d just make it worse.

Oh, well. A few more beers and the handsome stranger in the Hawaiian shirt would be long forgotten.

You spotted your friend sitting out on the back deck and waved with your free hand, squeezing out the double doors at the back of the bar and stepping out onto the wooden boards. You opened your mouth to start talking about the flirting catastrophe at the bar, but realized your friend’s eyes were focused on something behind you.

Then you heard your name being called.

Oh, you have got to be kidding. 

You turned around just as the pilot from the bar squeezed out the doors and jogged lightly towards you, his Hawaiian shirt flapping gently. He stopped in front of you, his cheeks the slightest bit pink, and held out his hand. Glancing down, you saw your ID.

“What—?” you said, bewildered.

“It fell out of your wallet,” he explained, a little breathless. “When you were rushing to reject me.”

“Oh my god,” you whispered, putting your free hand in front of your face as white-hot embarrassment flashed through your upper body. In spite of it, you couldn’t help but giggle. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I just figured you’d need it.”

“Thank you so much,” you sighed, taking it from him gratefully and tucking it into your pocket. “Listen, about the bar—”

“It’s really okay,” he interrupted. “I shouldn’t have been so pushy. You were just trying to get a drink, it was busy and loud. I get it. I don’t want to be just another guy—whoa, what are you doing?”

You stepped close and reached right into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out his phone and holding it towards him. “Open,” you ordered.

He did as you said and stammered, “What—uh—I mean—what are you—what’s going on?”

“I’m putting my number in your phone,” you said, hoping you sounded cooler than you felt. “This way we can talk somewhere that isn’t an overcrowded navy bar.”

“Like…a coffee shop or something?” he asked, his voice almost hopeful.

You smiled shyly. “Something like that. Here.” You handed him his phone back. “Use that so we can get a do-over.”

“Okay,” he said, really grinning now. “Okay, great. Cool. Awesome. I’ll call you.”

“You better,” you said.

He started to walk back towards the bar, looking down at the phone in his hand. He waved as he went and said, “See you later!”

“I didn’t catch your name!” you realized suddenly.

He shook his head, a teasing glint in his eye. “I didn’t give it.”

You bit your lip to keep from smiling too much and finally turned away, walking back to your friend with the beers that had seemed so important not that long ago. They watched you with a knowing smile, and when you sat down at the table, they asked coyly, “Who was that?”

“I don’t know,” you said honestly, taking a long drink. “But I think I’m gonna enjoy finding out.”

[castiologist]

buck 3.75

853 words

Summary: Buck goes to a bar to work out how he’s going to come out to the team, and runs into some old friends.

***

So. Tommy’s going to be his date to the wedding. Which is cool, great. There’s just the small fact that literally everyone in his life is going to be there and therefore know that he’s dating a man.

Which is fine. He’s not ashamed. He doesn’t want to lie about it.

Buck 4.0, he’s decided, is going to be Openly Bisexual and Proud Buck. It’s just that he’s not sure he’s quite there yet.

He wants to tell Hen and Chim before the wedding, but every time he tries to say it, he freezes. It just never feels like the right time. Which is stupid, because he knows they’re not gonna have a problem with it. He’s just struggling to let go of that mask that he’s always worn, unknowingly up till now, because he’s worried about how people will see him without it.

Buck’s one beer deep into his thoughts when he catches something moving out of the corner of his eye. Something coppery-orange and shiny.

He turns his head and accidentally makes eye contact with Taylor Kelly at the other end of the bar.

She’s seen him now, and knows he’s seen her, so it feels rude not to go over and say hi.

“Taylor, hi,” he says. “I, uhh, heard about your book. Congrats.”

Taylor grins. “I guess I should thank you. You helped write a lot of it.”

“Well, you’re welcome. Not sure I’d say I’m happy to help, but… I’m glad it worked out well for you.” He didn’t come over here to start an argument with her. After all, she was right. He knew who she was when he started dating her.

“Thank you,” Taylor says. She hesitates before adding, “I should probably tell you, I’m actually here with my girlfriend.”

Girlfriend?

“Girlfriend?” Buck says. Taylor’s looking at him - not with trepidation, exactly, but like he’s some ongoing event she’s reporting on and she’s not sure what’s going to happen next. He scrambles to correct. “I mean that’s… that’s great, I was just surprised, did you… were you aware of this? While we were dating?”

Buck’s not sure why it even matters to him. Taylor’s looking at him with narrowed eyes, even more on guard now. However, like with any disaster happening right in front of her, her instinct is always to stick around and find out more.

“You mean being into girls? I guess I was always a little aware of it, I just never really thought of it as a concrete possibility before. Until her.”

“Right, that’s great,” he says. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be… I mean, I think it’s cool. I’m, uhh, kind of in the same boat.”

Taylor’s eyebrows shoot up. “Really?”

“Yeah, I’m actually going on a first, date tomorrow, with a… a guy.”

Any tips? he considers asking for a fleeting second. Whether it’s for dating men or being bisexual in general, he’s not sure. Maybe both?

“Huh. Well, congratulations.” She raises her glass to him, takes a sip, before cocking her head at him. “You know, I did always wonder a little about you and Eddie.”

“Eddie? I’m not… I mean, Eddie’s straight, I’m not dating Eddie.”

“No?” She flashes her shark-like grin. “Well then, who’s the lucky guy?”

“Tommy. He used to work at the 118 with Chim and Hen, he’s a pilot in air operations now.”

“Huh,” Taylor says, “I guess we have that in common.”

It’s only then that he clocks the figure approaching them, coming up behind Taylor and slinging an arm around her.

“Hi Buck,” says Lucy Donato. “How you been?”

“Lucy, hi,” he says. “I’m uhh, I’m pretty good.” Buck 4.0, he thinks about adding, even though it would probably be meaningless to both of them.

“Well, I guess we sort of have you to thank for this,” Lucy says, tilting her head towards Taylor. She beckons the bartender. “So have one on me.”

He orders a bourbon before returning to his original seat, trying to process what just happened.

It’s weird, but they kind of work together, Taylor and Lucy. He watches them leave together a little while later; Lucy casually helping Taylor into her jacket and wrapping an arm around to hold her waist as they walk out. They just seem so normal, and happy. And look, he’s been friends with Hen for years now, it’s not that he’s never been around gay couples before. But Hen has always been Hen. To him, she’s been into girls as long as she’s existed. It’s as much a fact about her as it is about him. Taylor and Lucy? That’s new, and different.

But Taylor Kelly is still the same bold, irrepressible Taylor Kelly he’s always known. He doesn’t see her differently, he thinks. He just sees her more. And now she sees him more too, and he likes that. Makes him feel like the gap between the person everyone in his life knows and this new version of himself is smaller than it seems.

He finishes his drink and pays his tab. He’s still a little nervous, but also feels a little more ready.

[askbensolo]

Hey Ben!

I first found your blog when i was 13 years old and i just turned 18! I’ve been watching (or rather reading) as you’ve grown, and I’d like to say that you seem to have turned out to be a pretty great person. Even though I hadn’t faced the same challenges as you, it was really comforting to know that i was not alone with personal struggles, and just how hard growing up is. Thank you for being you and sharing that with so many people! I head off to university when my planet transitions to fall, and since you’re out of school now do you have and recommendations for college/university? It seems like such a daunting change, but you seemed to have handled it well. (I mean you did graduate so that’s a pretty big success!) Again I’m super proud of you!

-P.S.

Im glad that you’re getting back in contact with Fannie! You should totally invite her on a day out (go to a park, hang out in a market, etc.) I think those are great ways to better connect with someone if they feel a little distant. (plus that could be a perfect opportunity to ask her if she would like to move in with you)!

Thanks! Stay Awesome Ben!

Hey anon! Congrats on becoming an adult! It’s okay if you don’t feel like one yet, haha—Force knows I didn’t when I was eighteen. I’m glad I could share my growing-up experiences with you and everyone! And I'm glad you think I'm a decent guy. I try. Well, usually.

Congrats on getting into university! Oh, what? You're asking me for advice? Well, yeah, I guess I did graduate, heh. Sure, I'll give it a go.

Don’t freak out about not knowing how to do stuff—like not knowing how to buy groceries, or sign a lease, or navigate local speeder lanes, or apply for a job, or any of that. I used to not know how to do any of that. I was freaked out. But somehow, I learned. And now it’s no big deal. Older students and the holonet are your friends when it comes to figuring that stuff out!

For the love of the Force: take care of yourself. Whoever was taking care of you when you were a kid isn’t there anymore. The seven-year-old in you is gonna think that means you can eat ice cream for dinner and stay up till 2am every night. Don’t. Do. That. You’re gonna need to be your own mom now. Or, you can pretend my mom, the OG Space Mom™, lives in your head and lovingly judges your life choices.

Question the things you’ve been taught. And when professors tell you to question the things you’ve been taught, question their questioning too. But don't question things forever. You need to decide what you believe about things, 'cause otherwise someone else is gonna decide for you.

You don't have to choose certain classes (or even an entire major!) just because they line up with your interests. For example—I tried taking a poetry class. Hated it. I didn't like having my creativity cramped by assignments, and I didn't learn anything I didn't already know or couldn't learn on my own.

Don’t feel pressured to date in college. I didn't date anyone (yeah, I know, you're so surprised). Sometimes I felt like I was being left behind, 'cause I saw so many of my friends get into relationships...but, I saw some nasty breakups, too. Things happen when (and if!) they're meant to happen, so there's no need to stress about it. You know?

Try new stuff! Yeah, it sounds cliche. But I let my roommate drag me to the gym when I was a squishy noodly boi, and now lifting's my thing. You never know what you might be into!

Always keep the big picture in mind. Sure, it may feel like the end of the galaxy when you flunk an exam or fail a class. But do you really think you’re gonna care about that when you’re like, fifty? Nah bro. Keep it chill. And sometimes that even means dropping out of a minor or an honors program, if you look into the future and realize it won't really make a difference.

Don't do deathsticks. If anyone offers you deathsticks tell them to go home and rethink their life.

That's all the advice I can currently think of, though I'm always happy to share more from my infinite (not really) stores of wisdom! And thanks for your advice, too—those totally sound like things Fannie would be into.

Thanks for reaching out! You're gonna do great at college, little buddy!

[biomegasin]

Tw angry and preachy rant

If I wasn’t already fully disillusioned w the American left…. People posting infographics all day and then vaguely calling people out for not posting infographics has me fully depressed. Like congrats on doing the most passive thing possible as far removed from taking any real action or making politics part of your day to day life which is the only way to ever actually make change happen -.- and I will b preachy and on a high horse abt it bc I work manual labor full time have like 10 hobbies and crippling unmedicated psychotic delusional anxiety and depression and yet take time once a week to organize readings actions etc w fellow Amerikans across the left spectrum trying to fucking absolve myself for this country’s crimes. It just speaks to the fact that we r soooo isolated and soooo afraid of leaving our comfy ‘alt’ bubbles never having to work w people whose only interests in common are anger and liberation. Like I think we r taught to sedate that in favor of being an individualist which leads to people believing posting from the comfort of your home is actually going to do anything…. Like maybe inform some of your followers potentially change a mind or two? That’s good but. The people yelling terrorist in the streets at Palestinians im marching w don’t follow me on insta. The only thing that could ever enlighten the American public is large amounts of people banding together in the real world and making noise in the real world, consistently. People making all out posts about those being silent right now r have been silent in the past and will b silent posting selfies and coffee pics on insta again soon I’m sure. If u call urself a leftist Politics should be a apart of your daily life even when there isn’t a 70 yr long genocidal crisis coming to a head and if it isn’t you should feel guilty you aren’t struggling to uphold the legacy of the struggle of the black panthers and Maoists who were cointelpro’d in this country FR. But yeah I’m not posting on my FUCKING instagram story lmao. I guess that’s to say I think there are specific resources that specific people can post that are helpful. It’s just honestly kind of sickening to see what average progressive American thinks passes as political engagement

[yoomiii123]

When did Peter and Charlotte share their first kiss?

I was rereading The Runaways and it got my thinking about them 💕

Thank you for the ask and asking about Peter and Charlotte! Also super-congrats on your first ever fanfic, I am so proud of you!

So, confession time: I've always imagined their first kiss happening after they left Maria because if it happened before, Jasper would certainly have known. However, I hadn't really thought about the schematics of it all much until you sent in this ask.

You sent me on a spiral which over a couple hours of obsessive typing led to this: A bonus chapter for Runaways. I hope you'll enjoy it and my version of Peter and Charlotte's first kiss :-)

Land of the Free

Read this on AO3, FF.net or here on Tumblr. Reviews and comments are warmly welcomed!

Summary: Peter's PoV of the first days after their escape from the South. Word Count: 2'245 Trigger Warnings: none Rating: PG

I had always enjoyed running. As a kid, when the others quickly tired out or got bored playing catch, I couldn’t get enough of it. I was running up and down the street, chasing whatever fantastical creatures my mind envisioned just for the sake of it. Later, after father died and my brothers joined up, running became my safe haven, a momentary escape from the daily struggle. It had always been about the experience, the feeling of freedom for me, never about the destination.

Things changed after I turned.

Discovering what my legs were now capable of had been exhilarating at first, but the delight disappeared quickly as the new routines set in. I was no longer chasing fairy tales; in fact, I wasn’t running anymore at all. I was hunting.

In retrospect, it wasn’t the experience that changed much. It was the destination, what lied at the end of every race. Jasper had always joked that, for someone who claimed to not particularly enjoy killing, I was a tad too good at it.

When I contemplated running away for the first time, a part of me wondered if this would bring back the old joys. After all, Charlotte and I would be breaking the proverbial chains to regain our freedom. The unfortunate truth, however, was that I had never felt this trapped before in my life.

It couldn’t have been more than half an hour since our first stop, we were still in the same forest, and every step was a struggle. We had slowed down significantly, still faster than humans but only just. I could barely think of anything but putting one leg in front of the other; if I did for more than a few seconds, I stumbled over my own feet.

Charlotte was struggling as much, if not worse, than I did. It made me sick to my stomach to know that I was the one who forced this on her. The fact that she had asked me to stop apologising, didn’t help either.

Was this really the better option? Jasper would have granted her a quick death. I doubted that whatever coven got their hands on us would provide her the same kindness…

No, I couldn’t think this way. All we had to do was make it through. She had been right, there was no point in holding a territory with a few hundred humans stretched over miles and miles of wilderness. There was a place where we could be safe. I had to believe that.

I took a breath to say something encouraging. I wasn’t quite sure, what I would have said, but it didn’t matter anyway. As soon as the air passed through my nose, venom started to pool in my mouth and my body froze.

Charlotte halted a split second later as she caught the scent as well. This was the way we were drilled; feeding without permission was certain death. But then, there was no one to give us permission anymore.

“Do we…?” Charlotte asked.

I guess so? My body dashed forward before the words could leave my lips. I was positive she understood, nevertheless.

Famished as we were, we drained the group of four in a matter of minutes. Charlotte decapitated her first victim in her eagerness, but the second one was a respectably clean kill. Almost as clean as mine, even though I had a good three years on her.

I didn’t feel a smidge of remorse, as I looked down upon our victims. Instead, a certain sense of victory lingered in the air. Maybe it was because Jasper and his moods were hundreds of miles away. Or maybe, it was because for the first time in this second existence, we had done something purely because we wanted to. This felt like an even bigger defiance than running away.

Inexplicably smiling, I wiped my hands in the grass and then turned to Charlotte. “How do you feel?”

“Like I could run for days.” She was smiling too.

“Good, because that’s what we’re going to have to do,” I answered instinctively, the true meaning of my words only slowly seeping through the euphoria that feeding had caused.

We had killed on foreign territory. If whoever claimed this land was inclined to let us pass before, they were certainly going to kill us now.

I didn’t waste another moment, took Charlotte by her hand, and picked up the pace. “Let’s go.”

xxx

We continued running for four days with little progress. Doing the exact opposite of how we knew covens typically conducted themselves meant that we had to travel during the day and hide at night. Unfortunately, the sun and little coverage made it sheer impossible to traverse outside the twilight hours.

I had lost count of how many hours we spent huddled in a cave, bush or abandoned cabin somewhere. We had stopped talking on the second day, worried about our breaths masking the life-saving misstep of someone approaching.

Charlotte had been quite imaginative, coming up with a handful of different signs to communicate the most necessary information. Go, look, stop, run, feed, I forgive you. At least that’s what I hoped she meant when she crossed her hands and affectionately placed them over her heart.

We weren’t holding hands anymore either, it was too dangerous. If someone found us, we’d need both to even have the slightest chance of clawing ourselves out of this mess. Still, sometimes at night, I’d place mine against hers, just close enough that the sides of them brushed against each other. It always elicited her a small smile. And that smile was enough to keep me going through the next day.

Finally, on the fifth day, the skies stayed clouded. We pushed forward as fast as we could, continuing our zig zag from cover to cover, still avoiding cities and populated areas. We hadn’t allowed ourselves to feed since that first mistake and although thirst was clearly bothering Charlotte again –judging from the way she frequently rubbed her throat – every time I spread my pinkie and thumb away from the rest of my fist and made a drinking motion, she just shook her head. At least the temperature was dropping, suggesting that we were headed the right way. Who knew, with another day like this, we might finally make it to the wilderness.

Charlotte’s gasp jerked me to a halt. She had already frozen a good four feet from me, and I was about to speed to her side, when I finally noticed what she had seen seconds ago. Across the field stood another figure dressed in loose rags. And he was staring right at us.

No! I cried internally. Not now, not when we’re so close.

I returned to Charlotte's side slowly, scanning the area, trying to figure out where the rest of his coven was hidden. But I couldn’t make anyone out.

Running away was the first option that crossed my mind, but it was also risky. And even though I didn’t like to entertain the thought, we were in a pretty good spot if a fight would ensue. The field was open, no-one would be able to sneak up on us.

“What do we do?” Charlotte whispered, her voice raspy due to the lack of use.

What would Jasper do? I asked myself. A foolish question, he’d fight. Obviously. But he had ten times the experience we had combined and usually a good number of newborns to offer as cannon fodder. All we had was ourselves.

“Wait and see. Maybe we’re lucky and he’s just a look-out,” I muttered. “But if another one shows up, we run. Head to the right into the corn.” Maybe we can lose them in there.

Charlotte’s eyes spoke of pure fear, but she nodded. Once more, she trusted me without second-guessing, and I hoped that her trust wasn’t misplaced.

I kept my eyes focused on the stranger as he came closer, scouring the area for backup out of their corners. There was still none. And in another strange turn of events, he seemed relaxed with a sheepish grin on his face. He even buried his hands in the pockets of his jacket, restraining himself.

He finally stopped a few feet away, nodding his head. “Hello, pleasure to meet you. It’s been a while since I’ve come across our kind.”

Charlotte and I exchanged a confused look.

“You guys come up from down south?”

His look was curious, he obviously waited for a reaction on our part. But I had no words. Nothing I had experienced in this second life had prepared me for an interaction like this.

Unsurprisingly, Charlotte was the first to retrieve her voice. “Yes. We wish to pass through to Canada peacefully.”

I kept my eyes peeled on the vampire. He didn’t react to her words, as if it was the most mundane request ever.

“There’s some beautiful stretches of nature up there,” he returned. “Though I wouldn’t recommend heading too far up north. It can be quite a hassle to feed.”

“You’ve been?”

“A few years back. I prefer good old Great Plains these days.”

I had enough of talking in riddles. The stranger didn’t seem hostile and while I wanted to believe it, reality had told me otherwise. If we were intruding on his land, I’d rather know it right now than spend another few minutes on platitudes. “How far does your territory stretch?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Son, they call this the ‘Land of the Free’ for a reason. There are no territories here, every man is free to go where they please.”

“No coven lays claim to these lands then?” Charlotte chimed in, surprise lacing her voice.

“No. Why would they? Seems rather boring to hunker down when you can have it all.”

I couldn’t believe what my ears were hearing. “What about the cities? Certainly, there are covens there.”

“Not as far as I know.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Though I did hear about a permanent residence somewhere up in Denali once. Maybe you’ll come across them if you head north.”

I felt Charlotte’s hand find mine. Her eyes spoke of disbelief, just as much as mine must have.

“You two certainly are a funny bunch,” the stranger said. “Are all the vampire’s down south like that?”

I ignored his question, still wrapping my mind about what he was implying. “So, there are no territories up here? We can feed wherever we want?”

“Of course! There’s plenty for everyone. What did you think?” Now it was the other vampire that seemed confused.

Could this be? Had Jasper lied to us? Was the tale of world-spanning wars for territory just that; a nightmarish tale to keep us all in line?

“Please excuse our questions, it isn’t like this where we come from. What you’re describing is a foreign concept to us,” Charlotte intervened, now a charming smile on her face.

I prayed internally, that she hadn’t placed too much trust in the other vampire’s words. But even now, he didn’t seem threatening. Curious mostly.

“It isn’t? Well, I’ve never been down past Santa Fe, but it definitely is this way up here.”

Jasper wouldn’t have lied, I concluded. More likely, he didn’t know better himself. Maybe even Maria didn’t. I had never questioned the ‘why?’ of the wars before, but the strangers’ words rang true. It’s not like there was a lack of humans on this planet. And as I started to entertain the reality he was painting, I felt the weight, that had been resting on my shoulders ever since I’d called out for Charlotte to run, starting to crumble.

I didn’t catch the rest of the conversation she had with the other vampire. My mind was spinning, trying to readjust to a completely new view of the world; to the fact that maybe, I hadn’t doomed but actually freed her. Freed us.

When my rabid thoughts finally settled down and I consciously returned to her, the stranger was gone, and Charlotte was standing in front of me with the biggest smile I’d ever been graced with.

“We’re free,” she whispered, tasting each word. The idea must have been as strange to her, as it was to me.

“We’re free,” I agreed.

“Free!” she echoed, this time with more vigour as she jumped up to wrap her arms around my neck. Holding her felt like the most extraordinary and natural thing all at once. And somehow, I couldn’t help but start laughing. It wasn’t long before Charlotte giggled against my neck as well and I was spinning in place. I didn’t know why I did it, it just felt right.

Just as right as it felt to push my lips against hers at the first chance I got.

When we finally tumbled into the grass, I’d made the first new discovery about this life in four years: vampires could get dizzy. And boy, did it feel good.

Charlotte was laughing next to me, pulling bushels of grass from the ground and throwing it in the air above us until there was nothing but dirt left on either side of her. I watched her silently, with a big grin on my face and a heart so light it felt like it could pop out of my chest and fly away any second.

This was the feeling I had been hoping for, the one that running had given me in a previous life.

Freedom.

[msommers]

know, for bad, companions, and exit for riya, meredith and jorina!

here i am days late bc of my brain simply not working // oc asks: relationships edition

Know: How well does your OC know themself—their wants, their goals, their motivations? Do they engage in any sort of self-reflection? Is there anything about themself they willfully ignore?

RIYA — she would love to return to the days when the only self-reflection she took part in was looking into the mirror, because she's been looking inside quite often recently and is becoming increasingly aware of how much she was willing to ignore just to stay in her happy little bubble. she used to have very clear, simple desires and goals that drove her each day, and now she has no idea where she's going, how she should be feeling, or what to do about either of those things. she's in her "fucked around, found out. now i'm lost and hurting" era

MEREDITH — for being a big political player, she’s kind of an open book. her motivations and goals are clear, always have been and always will be. she has a solid grasp on who she is and hasn't had a reason yet to hide away any part of herself. even the grief and rage that still linger years down the line are things she never ignored, just turned into motivators.

JORINA — ignored many parts of herself for the better part of a decade just to ensure she was able to provide for her family without any distractions getting in the way. probably only started some soul-searching after the crush on aleksi developed because that kickstarted the "wait, do i actually have and want desires and interests outside of working???" thoughts. absolutely dreadful times for her, digging into her own brain like that. wouldn't recommend

For Bad: Is there anyone who had an undeniable negative impact on your OC’s life? How did your OC deal with that change? Have they been able to move on?

RIYA — victor’s murderer i guess lmfao nobody else has had a specifically negative impact on her, but that person really took an entire sledge hammer to her heart and life so congrats to them. hand wave to the vigilant campaign so far to answer how she’s handling the changes and moving on

MEREDITH — the obvious but still worth saying answer here is rendon howe. my guy left layers of lasting trauma and struggles with trust/rage/faith, things that meredith is still trying to handle a decade into the future. there's also a level of paranoia that he so kindly gifted her. i think she's moved on as far as one can after such horrid events, y'know. the vengeance was claimed, the healing was done, and the crippling sorrow only creeps in on rare occasions. something about her relationship with nathaniel definitely helped bandage some lingering wounds, but i'm not gonna dive down that rabbit hole rn.

JORINA — i mean. also rendon howe because of the alienage "purge", but that wasn't just the single offender. i've talked So Much about how jorina dealt with those changes (becoming the provider of the family, losing her childhood, ignoring her grief/desires/etc for years) so i'm not gonna do it again, but yikes. it took her a long time but she does begin to move on during her time with the inquisition! it's a horrible journey of having to finally let in the grief of all that she lost and shoved down for so long, but it's a necessary one.

Companions: Is your OC part of an adventuring group? A band of travelers? A guild, a team, a crew? What's the group dynamic, and how does your OC feel about their companions?

RIYA — your favorite no wisdom mage of the warden squad. riya’s currently in the middle of having some very mixed feelings about the grey warden order as a whole, but enjoys her little assigned group well enough for how much time she's had with them so far. despite my goofs about a certain dynamic within the group, i do think she likes them all. they are so far removed from the usual type of cast she'd have around her, but the circumstances are just right to allow for that kind of thing to not matter a single bit and to encourage her getting to know them. this would get annoyingly long if i went into detail about each member but i'll say her strongest feelings are for cian and leo, though undoubtedly that'll evolve given time with the other two members.

MEREDITH — oh, the origins crew. a handful of the people there knew they were only working together out of necessity, while she genuinely grew to adore and respect others. meredith wasn't afraid to show her judgement of those who argued her morals, acts of good, and main goals, which led to a few strained dynamics. too lazy to run down everybody, but: she would have banished oghren if he wasn't good at killing things. :// funniest positive relationship she built was with zevran because who would've thought the uncompromising honorable noble would take a liking to the whole assassin who tried to take her out?? insanity. this doubles as a note for myself but i need to revisit the game to determine meredith's dynamic with wynne, because since solidifying her character more i don't know if the strong focus on her noble rights/responsibilities would earn her approval lol

JORINA — hey i'm gonna keep it so real and say yeah, she was part of a specific inquisition scouting squad for a while, but nobody except aleksi has any detail at all. literally none of them. they're faceless goons just there to toss into situations for relationship moments. group dynamic is that everyone wanted to shake aleksi's hand for being the one brave enough to start befriending jorina first because it helped her ease off of being such a hardass with the stern expression and rigorous schedule.

Exit: Has your OC ever had someone important leave their life in a way that was unremarkable, unintentional, or clumsy? How do they feel about it? Is there any chance they'll meet again?

RIYA — i don’t think so, no. the closest could maybe fall to her brother, sebastian, in how he left the family home for the chantry (unremarkable in the way that they all knew it was coming, it wasn’t a big deal for anybody except daddy loren who would’ve still been upset about his kid lmao), but he would still show up on the rare occasion. riya hardly cared, he had turned into a preaching prat that really harshed the vibes every time he was around and she preferred her other brothers anyhow. they used to get along back when they were both directionless and envious of the other brothers, but that’s a hard feeling to remember after all he’s said to and about riya. always a chance of meeting again, i suppose 🤷

MEREDITH — someone important? ser gilmore might be the closest to this in the way that his death was unremarkable to most, he was just another unfortunate soul to die at the hands of howe's treachery (in a more personal way, she feels, after learning of his abduction and torture). she allowed herself the small hope that perhaps he’d made it out once she’d fled highever, but that became gnawing guilt after discovering his fate. their bond had been strong, and she'd spent so long picturing what it'd be like to have him at her side in the future, but then that future came and all she had left of him was feelings of heartache and longing. super not gonna see him again after what happened lol

JORINA — can’t think of anybody on this one. probably unnamed members of the inquisition who don’t matter to her story, just people who decided to dip because it got too difficult or frightening to be a part of that.

[black-cat-2]

Appreciation post :)

I genuinely hope, those who are supposed to find this made it here. The others… welcome and congrats as you found my Tumblr account? Anyway. Today I got buried under a wave of appreciating emotions and got the urge to the get some stuff off my chest. And since I’m both terrible at expressing my feelings vocally and still want to make things clear for ya guys, I’m gonna be a cheesy little shit here cause I don’t wanna spam my Instagram story :)

Let’s start with Loreen. You have no idea how much I appreciate my friendship with you. Like, I honestly have a great time finally being able to meet up with you, more or less spontaneously. For so long our friendship built and grew and manifested mainly through texting cause we didn’t quite had the opportunities to actually hang out. To be honest, there was a time I was a bit scared that if we met up someday, our carefree light chatter wouldn’t get out cause I tend to retreat into my shell when actually meeting up with someone “for the first time”. God, I’m so relieved that didn’t happen when we finally made it. Anyway, I love your mom friend kind of way, the way you can randomly introduce me to new music that still kinda fits my style. The way you just make me… happy to make it a bit shorter :)

Stephanie! Your turn. Back in the day I would have never thought that our friendship would grow so much. No idea how, but I somehow am completely involved in your life and at the same time I don’t have the feeling that I’m some kind of intruder. And that means something cause I’m an overthinker… Please, never get me wrong when I tell you to stop playing the wingwoman - I do appreciate your efforts. The way you are just, well, you is weirdly reminding me of a sister and bestie combo, not gonna lie. You have that… warmth surrounding you that has me comfortable and relaxed around you. Also, to be honest, I have no idea how I earned that spot in your Instagram bio <3

Last but definitively not least, Michael. I’m sorry you had to scroll so much down to reach your spot in this. Guess I’m just an annoying little shit again ;) you’re my longest friend and definitively one of the most important people in my life. You’ve been there for me, no matter what each of us went through. Highs and lows. And you sure as hell earned your spot as the straight girl’s gay best friend. I know you’re struggling mentally with a lot, also about what kind of role you play in people’s lives. I never mentioned it that openly but since I get the struggle in that apartment I gladly assure you. No matter what. Even if I may have multiple best friends. You are my only male best friend. Only you. You remember when I talked in my story about physical touch and mentioned that I still respect boundaries? That was for you. Cause I know you’re not really comfortable with touch. That’s why I tend to instead go for quality time with you instead. No matter our banter and insulting each other, luv ya hubby :)

You guys are basically like a second family. One I could choose for myself. One that both supports me and kicks my ass if necessary. Each one of you has a big role in my life and holds an even bigger part of my heart. And to bring this to an end, I appreciate you guys. So much. And I couldn’t imagine being without you anymore. <3

[ninjnerd-anaklusmos]

Woo, first time not an anonymous ask, let's go

Looked through the fanfic question list

Sorry if it is too many, feel free to pick and choose if it is

6, 7, 8, 9, 25, 31, 33, 34

Have a great rest of your day!! ^-^ 💜

Congrats on that! Coming off of anon can be scary.

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

That's a good one. Probably just mannerisms and building a space. I think I'm pretty good at it.

7. What element of writing do you struggle with the most?

Oof. Maybe ensuring that I don't leave out crucial details pertaining to the plot. My memory is a fishbowl lol.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

Okay, fandom span for this one. We've got Leviathan and Belphegor from Obey Me. Then we've got Jay, Cole, and Kai from Lego Ninjago. And, of course, Donatello, Leonardo, and Raphael from Rise of the TMNT!

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

RIP to me. Lucifer, Mammon, and Beelzebub from Obey Me. Wu, Pixal, and Nya from Lego Ninjago. And finally, Michelangelo, April, and Cassandra from Rise of the TMNT.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

That's an easy answer. Yes! Giant yes! I think the main one would be the AUs I've though of but never written down solidly. But to answer the question, in one of my fics in OFIFotO, Luke is wandering through the haunted memory/trauma cave.

I had a thought about having him end up in Reaper territory and having an entire little side quest, but it didn't fit into the plot I constructed.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

Oh my gosh I have so many. Like, a ridiculous number of them. I'll tell you about two of them though, just to save some space lmao.

Ji'kan: a 1,500 hundred year old demon, specifically a demon of curses. His hair is purple with lavender highlights and his eyes are the deepest blue.

His demon form is as follows: Jet-black scales curling up to his biceps & thighs. Short, jagged claws on both his hands and feet. Thin, dainty horns. Hair turns slightly translucent, very snake-like and streamlined, eyes glow. His skin glows with teal lightning that he controls in bright flashes at different rates.

He's from an original story idea about demons and angels that, ironically, I came up with a couple months before falling down the Obey Me rabbit hole.

In the story, he's on the demonic council, but just barely. He dreams of running a seamstress type business, and he has issues with closeness and sudden touch.

Then we've got another guy from the same universe and story.

Wren: a roughly 3,000 year old angel, specifically a Virtue. His hair is a mixture of white, silver, and gray, and his eyes are pale gray in color.

His angelic form is as follows: wingless, usually dressed in white silks. He only has his two eyes, but they glow with an ethereal power.

In the story, he's sent as a delegate to the world of demons during a council meeting, and he ends up getting lost. Ji'kan ends up saving his life.

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing process?

I fluctuate wildly between writing a 10k fic in two hours or it taking two months. You might have already guessed that from my sporadic ao3 posts, but still. I love writing, but I have a very busy life that derails my attention from whatever I want to write.

I also can't write without tunes.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt your especially fond of.

Ooh!

This one's from my fic, I Will Only Let You Down. It's a Ninjago fic, but this scene just makes me so happy. I love it.

The crackle that grew louder the longer he sat there wasn't falling on deaf ears, and he assumed it to be his little wisps of flame, gossiping about their master's odd behavior. Fire didn't blame them, not one bit. If he thought he was being odd, surely they must have thought he had lost his mind.

After another breath, he opened his eyes, unsurprised to find a clump of little fire wisps, all piled atop one another, rolling and chattering in crackles and sparks. He offered them a small smile, opening his arms. "Come here, I know you want to."

The pile of wisps jumped into action, at least a dozen little flames flying around him and snuggling against him, continuously chattering and nuzzling him. Fire laughed, stroking each and every one, giving them physical reassurance that he was okay.

They were adorable, honestly, and a great mood booster. He needed that pick me up after his dream. Getting to his feet, Fire rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, letting his wisps dance and cheer around him.

Curious, he nudged one of them with his pointer finger. "Is there something you need me for?"

The wisps swirled in delight, and all at once the dozen flames dashed away, burning down the halls and leaving Fire to chase after them. He rolled his eyes, but followed anyway, eager to see what they needed. The wisps had been nothing but helpful so far, and he could only assume they would continue to be.

The wisps burst into sparks in front of his temple's entry way, exploding in colorful swaths of reds and oranges, shooting off into different directions. All but the little wisp that had comforted him earlier, before his nap.

It hovered in front of the closed doors, looking almost sheepish. Fire snorted, poking it gently, making it crackle rhythmically, like it was laughing. "Go catch up, flare."

The wisp brightened, twirling around his fingers before it dashed away, leaving a streak of yellow after it. Hm. Maybe it liked being called flare.

[mooifyourecows]

HI MOO IM DONE WITH FINALS AND THE FALL SEMESTER AND I FEEL LIKE I CAN FINALLY FUCKING BR E A T H E FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS.

this was the first semester i was balancing work with school (long story, but ive been in college for three semesters total and i’ve never had a job before) PLUS i gained a social life for the first time in like. literal years and obv i wanted to maintain that too so ya boy was struggling. then towards the end of the semester i had two people really dear to me in the hospital for surgery (they’re both okay now and recovering, no worries there but it was Very Stressful), went through a really bad almost breakup w my Person (known em for 7+ years so it was Rough. still working on that front but it’s a bit better now). the stress nightmares and sleep paralysis i’ve had??? bare minimum sleep for over a month.

BUT GUESS FUCKING WHAT. I PASSED ALL OF MY CLASSES. EXCEPT FOR ONE CLASS WHICH I FAILED SO FUCKING BADLY BUT I DID EVERYTHING EXCEPT TWO ASSIGNMENTS AND THE TEACHER IS JUST GENERALLY AN ABSOLUTE BITCH. BUT I CHECKED W MY FINANCIAL AID AND IM NOT LOSING MY SCHOLARSHIP OVER IT SO WHO FUCKING CARES. A+, B+, B, C-. DAMN IM GOOD. (and also so very emotionally burnt out but goddamn i just need someone to tell me they’re proud of me at this point i’m so tired 😭)

in celebration i’m gonna go drink some sparkling grape juice and play animal crossing. maybe take a sleep paralysis free nap but we shall see <3

Wooo!! Congrats on passing your classes! (except that one but psh we don't talk about that one) I'm super proud of you!!! 🎉🎉🌈🖤

Sounds like you've had a rough year but you made it through! Huzzah!! I hope that you have a very relaxing final few weeks of 2022 and that 2023 is so much kinder and easier 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

For now, celebrate with some good food and rejuvenation time and have sweet peaceful dreams 🌈

[idyllic-ghost]

hihi my beeloved and congrats on 2k!!! you deserve all the love and support you've gotten so far and ilysm ♡♡

can i please get a fluffy blurb of yeonjun college au and 6 + 10 from your prompts list please? (yeah i'm not requesting vernon, shocking [though i might if you allow more than one request from the same person]) and ilsym again ^^

-@aceofvernons

a/n: hiii xannieeee! thank you, ily! you can ofc request more than once! i'll be awaiting your vernon request <3

prompts: 6: "You can call me whatever you want" 10: "All I've ever wanted is your attention"

title: not today

pairing: student!yeonjun x student!reader

warnings: strangers to friends to almost lovers ??? food mention

word count: 820

rating: pg

Disclaimer: The scenarios and depictions in my works are fictional and do not represent real-life situations. They do not aim to reflect the complexities of any culture, city, or individual. All characters are entirely fictional, regardless of names or descriptions.

The soft breeze coming from the open window in the library made you close your eyes for a moment. It had been long since you took a break from looking at the screen, and your eyes stung when your eyelids closed. You rubbed your eyes and sat back in the armchair. When you opened your eyes you were met with the eyes of none other than Choi Yeonjun. His face was right in front of yours, so close that your noses were almost touching. You let out a yelp and went to push his face away from you with your hand. Unsure of how he had managed gotten so close without you noticing, you wondered if maybe you needed a break.

"Ouch- don't touch my glasses with your greasy fingers!" he complained with fake annoyance laced in his tone and a pout sitting adorably on his lips.

"Don't come so close to my face, then!" you retorted.

Yeonjun sighed and sat down in the chair opposite of yours. He didn't look at you, keeping up his facade of irritation. With a sigh, you closed your laptop and put it aside before reaching your hand into your bag. You pulled out a pastry you had bought for him earlier and threw it to him. The plastic rustled as Yeonjun struggled to catch it.

"Do you always have to dress up?" you asked. "You're making me look bad."

You looked between the two of you. While you were wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, Yeonjun was dressed up in a blue button-up, silver earrings reflecting the light of the lamp hanging above you, and his hair was perfectly styled in an effortless way - he was the type of person who would spend hours trying to make his hair look like adorable bedhead.

"I want to look good, is that a crime?" He opened the plastic and started eating the pastry. "But if you want me to dress down then I guess that's what I'll do."

-

His words reminded you of the first time you met. It was your first, and only, class together. You were paired up for a project, and you were attempting to find your partner. It wasn't difficult, he stood out like a sore thumb with his edgy style - and the fact that he didn't have a partner yet also helped.

"Are you... Wenjun?" You had already forgotten his name, and said the closest thing you could think of.

"No... but you can call me whatever you want," he said with a grin.

His attitude toward you had always stayed the same since then. A sort of "I believe this person can do no wrong" belief mixed with "I'm annoyed as soon as this person speaks" attitude. All of it made you grow fond of him very quickly. It certainly didn't help that he had his charming moments as well.

-

"Are you even listening to me?" Yeonjun waved his hand in front of your face. "You should be studying, why are you spacing out."

"It's your fault, you know?" you huffed.

Yeonjun mocked your tone and picked up a book from his bag. You watched as he tried to eat while reading. It was probably not allowed to eat in the library, but you would disregard the rules for him any day. Of course, you'd never tell him that. Yeonjun had asked you out before, at the end of your final project together. However, you had rejected him - he didn't seem genuine, but maybe that was your insecurities talking because he ended up sticking around. You didn't even have any classes together anymore, but he still made time for you somehow. During one of these hangouts is when he told you that he had been interested in you since the first time he saw you, and that he could barely focus in some classes. You had always sat in front of him, so you couldn't catch him staring. Nevertheless, he was drunk when he told you this - and prodding about it at a later time led you to a dead end.

The two of you remained friends. Just friends. Very close friends. Friends who would cuddle sometimes, and maybe get drunk together and kiss - but then "forget" about it the next day. You were just having fun, but moments like this made your longing even worse. Tired from studying all day, you just wanted to curl up beside him and let him play with your hair.

"You're staring again," Yeonjun interrupted your thoughts as he looked up from his book, "Not that I mind. You know that all I've ever wanted is your attention."

He was always so honest about it, but anyone else would see this as friends, semi-flirty, banter. You rolled your eyes at him and picked up your computer again. One day you'd probably end up together, but not today.

for your visual senses ^^^^^

[mari-the-bimbo]

HEYYY MARI 😍💗 CONGRATS ON 2000!!! 💗✨💗✨ Your blog always makes me smile and I’m in love with your Megumi series 💗🥰

I would like to request some more Megumi, Head of the Zenin Clan! I assume he’s probably pretty busy since he’s in such a powerful position and so he hasn’t been spending that much time with Reader lately. So we get a bit sad and worried that maybe he doesn’t like us anymore 🤣💔 But when Megumi realizes what’s going on he does his best to show us that he still loves us more than anything else 💗😍

Thank you babe 💗🥰

Rich bf! Megumi: when he hasn’t been spending time with you

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

A/N: AHH yesss thank you for this prompt Winter! I was struggling with ideas for rich bf series. Hope you enjoy! <3

Megumi isn’t the Head of the Zenin Clan for nothing, he is a sharp, observant man who could realise things quick.

Especially when it comes to the love of his life. You.

He noticed your glum mood lately, how you spoke less, and how you no longer came into his office to pester him. He misses that.

So as you lay in your bed, nearly asleep, you were surprised when you felt the bed dip slightly next to you, you noticed Megumi sitting next to your lying figure but you pretended to be asleep, not wanting to disturb him.

You felt Megumi’s pale large hand rest against your waist, caressing the area admiringly, before dipping his finger underneath your dress to raise it, making your breath hitch, you bit your lips as you felt him place a kiss against your thighs. Shit, he definitely knows you’re awake now.

“Meet me in my office” he whispered in your ear before leaving your bedroom once again.

You sighed as he left the room. It’s now or never I guess.

You slowly got up from your bed, shivering in your silk sleeping dress as you walked through the long, marble corridors until you reached Megumi’s office.

You took in a deep breath before entering.

You sighed as you watched your boyfriend scribble on some bills, adding up the totals in his office.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” Megumi asks immediately, without even looking up.

“don’t you like me anymore?” You asked cautiously, worried to even hear the answer.

You heard his pen drop, and as you looked up at him, you were surprised to see the shocked, taken aback look on his handsome face.

“What?”

“..I know you’ve been busy, but I feel like you don’t seem to enjoy my company anymore” you said, holding back tears. “Megumi have you lost interest in m-“

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence” Megumi firmly ordered.

He relaxed his face and sighed as he saw your conflicted look. He manspreads on his office chair, then he pat his lap, “c’mere” he mutters quietly, encouraging you to come and sit on his lap.

You slowly make you way over to him as his dark eyes watches you like a hawk, and sat down on his lap, looking up at him to see him already staring back.

“How could even say such a thing my love?” He says, his voice softening much more “you’re my favourite thing in the whole world, the reason I’m working so hard is so you can live like the Princess you are” he adds, his long pale finger trailing down your cheeks.

“I’ve missed you” you admit, making him sigh once more, “I’m sorry baby” he apologises coddling your smaller figure into his broad chest.

He lets you rest against his chest for a bit as he finishes his papers, his warmth bringing you comfort, he even summons his demon dogs to cuddle up with you too, so that you were surrounded with warmth.

“We can go shopping tomorrow, and you can buy whatever you want, okay?” Megumi whispers in your ear after a while, making you nod, smiling to yourself as you feel him then press kisses against your bare cleavage that was adorned with a gold necklace with Megumi’s name on it.

He rings a buzzer, making a maid enter the office, bowing to you both.

“Prepare a bath for Y/N please” Megumi orders.

The maid nods her head in acknowledgment, “would my lady like me to help her bathe?” The maid asks.

But before you could answer, Megumi voice booms through the luxury office,

“No. I’ll help her bathe”

You know what that means.

[qqueenofhades]

UBI would just be giving people handouts, though. Like, "congrats your alive you get money" doesn't provide the best incentive to work? We're going to have a lot of freeloaders if we do that.

Uhhhh.

First of all, I think it's pretty obvious from my other posts that you and I are not going to agree about this, so I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish here. Second of all, I... don't.... see.... what's....wrong with a government fundamentally providing basic financial support to its citizens??? There are plenty of people who CAN'T work for one reason or another and who struggle all their lives on extremely meager levels of support that the ableist state has decided they can (very grudgingly) be allowed to have, despite their terrible sin of not being able to join the workforce. Besides, the "UBI will make those lazy freeloaders not work!!!" is a) capitalist propaganda and b) not even true. Finland is one of the countries to have completed a UBI trial and guess what! People who received it were actually more likely to be in work after the trial ended!

Interestingly, the final results of Finland’s program, released this spring, found that a basic income actually had a positive impact on employment. People on the basic income were more likely to be employed than those in the control group, and the differences were statistically significant, albeit small.

This coincided with a strong uptick in mental health, positive social support, and other quality-of-life indicators. The people in the Finnish trial received €560 a month, which is obviously not enough to replace work-related income, but which DID provide enough extra funding to help fill critical gaps and provide more peace of mind. Besides, humans are naturally industrious and like doing things?? And are usually happy to work and find ways to occupy themselves, and the idea that they only "deserve" to survive or have their basic needs met if they're working long hours at a job that they probably hate is, again, capitalistic propaganda nonsense (not to mention, has strong undercurrents of social Darwinism, eugenics, and other questionable social philosophies).

In a world that is so wildly economically unjust, where a tiny handful of people control an incredibly disproportionate amount of wealth and so many people suffer with so little, you're simply never going to convince me, ever, that making more effort to financially meet their basic needs is a bad thing. For God's sake, giving them five hundred extra bucks a month, if we're replicating the Finland conditions, is hardly going to create a culture of "freeloaders." Why is that worse than forcing them to work multiple jobs for shit wages and still struggling? Why is their "production" the only important thing about them? Why is this the metric you've chosen to complain about in what is, as noted, an entirely theoretical program that is decades away from being politically feasible in America, if ever, and yet has been experimented and implemented in successful democratic-socialist societies that are, gasp, NOT AMERICA?

In short, as it has been put before and is still the best way to say it: I don't know how to explain to you that you should care about other people. Because, as noted, of all the outrageous economic injustices that currently exist in this world, it's extremely confusing to me that this is the one you would choose to complain about. And in closing: any UBI program in America would be funded, a la Social Security and Medicare, with taxpayer money. So that is YOUR MONEY to start with (and that of everyone who has ever paid a single penny in federal or state tax for any reason, which is almost every single American citizen over the age of 18). It's not "giving handouts" to distribute it back to poor people, rather than continuing to jigger the system so rich people pay nothing into it at all and are allowed to reap insane profits. And the idea that all other working people are your enemy and if they get anything, there will be less for you, is a deliberate technique used to keep you blaming each other, and not seriously questioning the grotesque accumulation of those at the very top. Because yeah. Uh. I think they can absolutely afford to fucking share.

[always-andromeda]

Congrats on 500!! Anyway since I like to hurt myself, The Night We Met with Joby. Or Paul’s Brian for the real hurt

Author’s Note | bb I’m gonna have to go with my man Joby on this one because I this makes me immensely upset. and I torture myself for fun, I guess!

Warnings | descriptions of a car crash, death, descriptions of suicidal tendencies, general heavy angst (truly, I am warning you, this shit is sad), nothing else I can think of!

It had started out fun. You were a couple drinks in, holding onto Joby's arm at the bar. You were always giggly when you were drunk. Leaning in to tell him sweet little secrets that you wouldn't remember in the morning and pressing sloppy kisses to his face. He'd scrunch up his nose and pretend to get all indignant. But secretly, he loved these nights.

Even now, when he thinks back to it...he has no idea what he could've done differently. Maybe he could've listened to you, for one.

You had been swaying for quite some time now. Your cheeks burned with intoxication through your makeup. And though you were still buzzing to get some more dancing in, Joby was tugging you towards the exit.

"Jobyyy, I wanna stay a little longer..." you whined and rubbed conniving little circles on the back of his hands with your thumbs. And the worst part was, that had almost convinced him.

In some other universe, Joby Taylor simply laughed. Said, "Fuck it," and let you order another drink. In this world, he kisses you hard until you're breathless. Until you're practically shoving him off of you and asking what the hell has gotten into him. He would've let you dance with him all night if he knew what was going to happen a mere twenty minutes after he dragged you out of the bar.

You turned on the radio and cranked it up as loud as your pounding head could tolerate. As you bobbed your head to the beat you avoided his weary gaze, opting instead to look out the window at the over cars zooming past on the highway in the distance.

One second he's watching you, arm hanging out the window and hand making waves as he sped down the road. The next, his gaze is turned back to the road just in time to catch the car cutting him off at the intersection in the middle of nowhere.

Then it's fuzzy. Whether it's because he went unconscious or because his brain won't let him remember the impact itself, he still hasn't worked that part out. And he doesn't intend to either.

But the part he does remember is how you cried. You whimpered his name. He wishes you had been gone by then; that by the time the ringing in his ears faded, he was instead greeted by the deafening absence of your existence. Instead, he hears you in pain as he struggles to move; hears you gurgling on something as the radio cuts in and out. He'd never hated hard rock more in his life.

The memory cuts out as he awakes with a start.

The bartender claps in front of his face, "Hey, closing time, buddy. Get the hell out."

Joby swivels his head heavily, noticing that he's the only patron left. He wipes the spit that had dribbled from the corner of his mouth and pulls out his wallet tiredly.

Slapping his last twenty on the counter, he nods at the bartender. The man rolls his eyes at Joby's typical drama. For months now he'd come in to destroy his liver and fall asleep on the bar. It's the only rest he gets now.

Save for tonight, it’s typically a dreamless sleep. He’s caught in a perpetual migraine and forever nauseous. But it’s better than going back to his dark apartment and being reminded that you won’t be there. Better than feeling the shooting pain in his spine that only reminds him of how somehow he’d lived.

The bartender is well aware this isn't the first time Joby has done this little routine. But he has no clue it will be the last.

Joby is used to doing the wrong thing the majority of the time; making selfish choices that ruin those around him. Maybe that's why he dove deeper into the bottle. Why he drives so recklessly. Why he hopes that the next impact he feels isn't his head smacking the bar top but his car wrapping itself around a tree; blunt force trauma plucking him from the world quicker than it had taken you.

For once in his life, Joby had done what he thought was right. And for some reason, you paid for it.